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托福写作展开段落编不下去怎么办

Source: 互联网    2017-09-07  我要投稿   论坛   Favorite  

  在雅思写作中编例子这个活儿稍微编不好就跑题还不讨考官的喜,换种方式考官还是不满意,那么同学在TOEFL写作的时候为了展开段落编例子编不下去怎么办呢?

  那就不编了,我们换种方式。请follow我的脚步,我们一起来看看

  首先,请各位记住一个公式:a+= b+/ b-/a+

  “老师,这不是数学么?啥意思啊” let me explain

  若段内展开时你想说a好,那么你可以先写a的对立面b不错,但是并不用展开讨论,这时候马上说b的不好,论证结束时说显然,还是a最好。 通过“对比说理”来完成你的文章。好,下面我们来举个例子说明。

  First, allowing children to make decisionson their own can strengthen the bonds. Sure, restricting children’s behaviorcan work like a charm to some extent, but if parents overstep, chances are thekid would end up frustrated and upset. However, things could be totally theopposite if children are allowed to choose their own path and follow their ownheart. A sense of trust will build up, and they are more likely to open up andnext time when problems show up they’d turn to parents for help.

  解析:

  这个段落当中,不难发现t.s.句:结论前置,允许孩子自己做决策可以加强和父母之间的情感纽带。这其实就是我们的a+,那么下面由sure,引导b+,诚然限制孩子的行为也能起作用(注意请记下语料:work like a charm 起作用),不用展开马上转回,然而这样做父母可能过度干涉孩子的隐私,导致孩子沮丧压抑。说完我们的b-之后 however连接,然而还是a更好,如果孩子可以追求自己的路,追寻自己的内心的话,事情将会适得其反。他们会被信任而且问题出现时,孩子更愿意与父母沟通,敞开心扉。由此,我们可以清晰的看见本文的逻辑思路即:b+/b-/a+。全文并没有通过举例例证来展开文章,而是通过对比说理来展开。好,那么这段写到这里能得到满分么?No,no,no,还没这么简单。本段缺失了大量的细节,比如家长如何overstep?孩子为什么frustrated?孩子追寻怎么选择自己的路怎么追寻了内心呢?为什么她们更愿意敞开心扉呢?这些细节,都没有在全文展开。也就是说,逻辑思维成立,但缺失细节,我们的文章也拿不到高分。

  好,那如何展开细节呢?请小伙伴们读读下面的修改版段落(注意:请各位同学读的过程中有意识的把细节用不同的颜色笔画出来~~and 记住好的语言表达!!)

  First, allowing children to make decisions on their own can strengthen the bonds.Sure, restricting children’s behavior can work like a charm to some extent, but it is not uncommon to spot generation gap around, where children refuse to share stuff with their parents. To trace back causes, parents are sometimes to blame. When parents prevent children from every activity that they think may cause harm, what message does it send to teenagers? They cannot be trusted and their parents have no faith in them. It is especially true for rebellious adolescents. They want to break free, hoping voices to be heard and actions to be understood. If parents fail to see that and overstep, chances are the kid would end up frustrated and upset. However,things could be totally the opposite if children are allowed to choose their own path and follow their own heart. When children get a say in choosing what kind of college major to pursue or choosing what kind of friends to hang outwith, they will feel that they’d being treated as adults. A sense of trust will build up, and they are more likely to open up and next time when problems show up they’d turn to parents for help.

  解析:

  红色字体的内容你能看出来是谁的细节么?

  Yes, 就是overstep和frustrated的细节! 父母怎么干涉的? 父母限制了所有可能对孩子有害的社交活动,孩子不被信任,父母对他们没有信息。那么孩子呢?需要自由,需要自己的声音被别人听到,行为被别人理解(如果都没有,他们最终崩溃)。满满的都是细节啊!

  其次,孩子怎么追寻道路,如何遵从内心呢? 孩子选择了专业和选择了朋友这就是细节啊!so,第二段满满的细节各位,你看懂了么?


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