致命的大错： “Finished 8th in my high school graduating class of 10.” “Qualifications: No education or experience.” “I am relatively intelligent, obedient and loyal as a puppy.” “My compensation should be at least equal to my age.” “Reason for Leaving: It had to do with the IRS, FBI and SEC.” “Fired because I fought for lower pay.” “Size of employer: Very tall, probably over 6'5” “Please disregard the enclosed resume-it is terribly out of date.” “Reason for Leaving: My boss said the end of the world is near.” “Reason for Leaving: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I prefer to elaborate privately.” 打字错误与语法错误： “Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.” “Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.” “I am a rabid typist.” “Work History: Performed brain wave tests,1879-1981.” “After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work.” “Accounting cleric.”
“As indicted, I have over five years of experience analyzing investments.” “Suspected to graduate early next year.” “Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets.” “Proven ability to track down and correct erors.” “Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.” “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.” “Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school.” 不应有的幽默： “Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all others to heat your house.” “Assisted in daily preparation of large quantities of consumable items in a fast-paced setting.” (Translation: Short-order cook.) “But wait...there's more. You get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature.” “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.” “My fortune cookie said, 'Your next interview will result in a job'-and I like your company in particular.” “Title: Another resume from the 'Profiles in Excellence' series.” “Also Known As: Mr. Productivity, Mr. Clever, Mr.Fix-it.” “Trustworthy references available upon request-if I give them a few bucks.” “Let's meet so you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' over my experience.”
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