• Fell out of bed and broke his nose
• Caught a cold from a puppy
• Got sick from eating too much at a party
• Had to go to the hospital after accidentally drinking antifreeze
• Hurt his back chasing a beaver
• Got his toe caught in a vent cover
• Developed a headache from attending too many garage sales
员工：
• 从床上掉下来，摔破了鼻子
• 感染了“狗流感”
• 参加派对吃得太多，吃坏了肚子
• 不小心喝了防冻液，不得不去医院就医
• 捉海狸的时候伤到了背部
• 脚趾头被排气孔给卡住了
• 疯狂赶场参加旧货交易，结果导致头痛
There is a special category for absentees that were victims of peculiar accidents:
• Bats got into the employee's hair.
• A refrigerator fell on the employee.
• A bucket filled with water crashed through the ceiling of a bowling alley and hit the employee on the head.
• A deer bit the employee while he was hunting.
• While the employee's hamster was giving birth, she was so sickened by the process that she (the employee, not the hamster) passed out.
而有一些缺勤者给出的理由更是匪夷所思：
• 蝙蝠钻进了头发
• 冰箱倒了，砸在身上
• 一只装满水的水桶砸破保龄球馆的屋顶，恰好又砸在自己的头上
• 打猎时被一只鹿咬伤了
• 宠物仓鼠要产崽，整个过程让人恶心不已，于是，她（员工本人，而不是仓鼠）晕了过去。
If there were a prize, it would have to go to a chef who, in his lucrative job as second-in-command in the kitchen of a prestigious high-volume restaurant, "had pre-existing allergies he chose not to disclose to us," said the person who hired him.
当然，如果对请假理由进行评奖的话，大奖非一位大厨莫属。他在一家著名的餐厅担任副厨师长，这家餐厅生意火爆，而且给他的待遇也十分丰厚。他的老板说：“他称自己之前就有过敏症，只不过一直没有跟我们透露。”
The fellow was allergic, it turned out, to so many different comestibles that, after all his paid sick days and vacation were used up, he "ultimately was moved to a role where he didn't touch food."
原来这位大厨对许多食物过敏，于是在用完了所有带薪病假和假期之后，他“终于找了一份不需要跟食物打交道的工作。”
Okay. Plenty of chefs don't touch food (they conceptualize: their minions mince the shallots and deglaze the saucepans), but I still have one niggling question: Who accidentally drinks antifreeze? Could it have been the deer hunter who let the deer get close enough to bite him?
好吧。许多厨师都不碰食物（这是后厨的规矩 ：由下属负责切洋葱和清洗炒锅之类的杂活）。但我还是不明白：谁会不小心喝防冻液呢？会不会是那个猎鹿人一直等着那只鹿走过来咬他？
Now, that is a story I would like to hear.
我倒想听听他们的解释。